This ‘Taxi Tale' is from a driver I worked with when I worked for Ormskirk Taxi’s many years ago. He was working late one Friday night and was sent to a nightclub after closing time for one of the staff. The man came out and got into the car. He was one of the ‘Door Staff, or ‘Bouncers’ as they were called once upon a time. He was a huge man with a crew-cut, broken nose, cauliflower ear and a neck like a bull. Oh, and he was not at all amused that his taxi had turned up 20minutes after the time he had booked it for. He got into the taxi and before his door was even closed he had already called the driver a multitude of rather unpleasant names. The driver was used to this type of abuse and simply waited for the man’s tirade to end then said, “Where to then mate?”
The man took a deep breath and said, “Home!”
Where’s ‘home’?” the driver asked.
“By the Chinese Takeaway on Wigan road,” the man said, and glared at the driver.
“Right then, the Chinese it is then,” said the driver in as pleasant a tone as he could muster. He began the short drive towards the Takeaway and decided it would be best not to attempt to engage the man in any sort of conversation. The man did not speak either, but made a variety of ‘huffing’ and ‘puffing’ noises that were clearly meant to show that he was still far from happy.
The journey ended as the driver pulled up outside the Chinese Takeaway.
“That’s £1.20 then please,” the driver told him.
“How f**kin’ much? HOW F**KIN’ MUCH? You cheeky little t**t! You’re late, then you try and f**kin’ rip me off!!!! “The man said as he climbed out of the car. He then walked around the front of the car and stood by the driver’s door. The driver rolled down his window and looked up at the man.
“What do you mean by that eh? I’ve never ripped anybody off in my life and do not intend to start doing so now. Now why don’t you just calm down and pay me what you know you owe me, and stop acting like a f**king idiot?” he said, after deciding that no matter how big the man was, he was not going to be intimidated by him.
The man however, seen things rather differently and decided that the best thing to do now would be to grab the taxi driver through the open window and basically knock the be-jeeesus out of him! He then attempted to do just that, and grabbed the driver by the scruff of his neck and began punching him. After a couple of punches landed on the driver’s head, and an almighty amount of struggle and panic, the driver managed to grab hold of the man’s jacket and at the same time, put his car into gear.
“F*CK YOU DICK ‘ED!!!!!!!!!” he yelled, and holding his jacket as tightly as he could, he began to drive forwards. The huge man had no choice but to be pulled along, trying to stay upright. The car moved faster and as it did, so did the man’s awkward sideways steps until at last he lost his grip on the driver and the driver lost his grip of his jacket. The man toppled, the driver continued to drive and as he did, he glanced in his wing mirror and saw the man rolling and sliding along the road. He made good his escape and continued with the rest of his working night, well, that was after a well deserved cigarette.
About a week later the driver was again working and was given an address in Tower Hill road. He found the house and pulled up outside, then, as we all used to do he then ‘blasted’ the horn. After a couple of minutes, his passenger door opened and a man got in beside him.
“Iya mate…. “He said,”….. where to?”
“The Chelsea Reach please pal.” The man answered.
He began the drive to the Chelsea Reach, which was a nightclub in the centre of Ormskirk. As they pulled out of Tower Hill Road the man said,” I’m looking for one of your drivers and when I find him I’m going to f**king kill him!”
“Oh yer, and why would that be?” asked the driver.
“Because he dragged me along the side of his f**king car the other night and nearly f**king killed me, that’s why!” explained the man.
Until then, the driver had not even looked at the man, but after the penny had dropped, he took a quick glance. The man’s face was scraped and bruised badly and his ear was red raw and scabbed.
‘Holy shit’ the driver thought, and turned his face away from the huge man, and accelerated.
“What? HE DID WHAT? It’s unbelievable that a person like that would be allowed to drive a Taxi. He sounds like a lunatic. I’ll try and find out who he is for you and when I do I’ll punch him myself mate. Don’t you worry mate, I’ll find him and tell you so you can kill the lunatic. We don’t need people like that driving taxi’s!!!” he ranted, as convincingly as he could, and all the time not facing the huge angry man.
They at last reached the nightclub.
“Right then, that’s erm….. £1.20 then please mate.
The man payed with no complaint and said, “Cheers pal, and yer, if you find the little tosser let me know and I’ll sort him!”
“Oh believe me I will mate. As soon as I know, you will know.”
The man got out of the car and closed the door.
‘Thank God for that!’ the driver thought as he drove away rather quickly. He then made a large mental note of the address where he had just picked up and from then on, he avoided it like the plague.