Taxi Tale 12 - F$@*ING Technology

Some years ago when we had all got used to the mobile phone technology, I was thinking how cool I looked with my rather large Nokia handset.

I was one day speaking to another driver, who, upon noticing my fancy handset (hard not to notice it really, considering its size!) he told me that he had in his car a ‘hands-free’ kit fitted that would fit my phone, and that he didn’t use it and so asked if I would like to buy it.

Anyway, to cut this story slightly shorter, I bought it, fitted it inside my car, and proudly placed my Nokia in the cradle.

After two days of making calls simply to tell people that I was actually calling ‘hands-free’ (most of the people being informed of this where taxi drivers and all seemed mightily impressed!) I picked up a fare in old Skem. He was a tall and rather portly man, with a bald head and was wearing thick rimmed spectacles. I asked him where he was going, and the journey began.

As I was driving an oncoming car flashed its headlights and the driver waved. It was another taxi driver named Brian. I waved back.

A minute, if that, passed, and my phone began to ring. I glanced at the screen and seen  lit up brightly on the display ‘BRIAN CALLING’.

I pressed the ‘answer call’ button, and being aware of how impressed my passenger obviously was, I proudly said,” Hello Brian, what’s up?”

“Hello, I just wanted to ask you a question Phil,” Brian replied, with his voice booming around my car from the secreted hands-free speaker.

“Ask away,” I said, and unknowingly falling into the horrible trap that had now been set.

Brian then slowly, clearly, and rather loudly asked this question…..

“Who’s that big fat baldy four-eyed wanker sat next to you Phil?”

As my mind worked out the horror of my situation, my hand, like in slow motion, reached out with a finger outstretched, and after what seemed like an eternity, pressed the ‘End call’ button.

Silence!

The journey continued and I waited for my passenger’s reaction with utter dread.

Nothing. Still silence.

We reached his destination, he payed me and I fumbled for his change. As I handed it to him, I looked at him.

He took the change and gave me a rather strange look that I translated roughly into meaning, ‘you and your pal Brian are lucky that today I am in no mood for beating the shit out of either of you!’

He got out of the car and walked away.

The next call made was from myself to Brian, and the words spoken, only by me, could not possibly be repeated in fear of offending ‘any’ and probably ‘all’ of you!

I do think, however, that Brian got the point, although he was laughing whilst listening to my threatening onslaught!

I never again answered another phone call whilst people where in my car. The lesson was most definitely learned!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phil