Taxi Tales Two

Taxi Tales TWO is the follow up from best selling Authors Philip Parry and Glenn Pye following the success of Taxi Tales. This book like the first tells the TRUTH about the general public. All the 'tales' actually happened to either Phil or Glenn but again no names are mentioned. The 'tales' range from funny to scary and all the way to absolutely unbelievable, but every detail is FACT! If you enjoyed the first you're bound to enjoy the second and be sure to look out for the third, fourth and fifth! If you recognise yourself in any of the tales it's your choice whether you actually admit it! Have fun!!

A Little Joke For You All

A little boy about 12 years old is walking down the street dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of 'a house of ill repute' and knocked on the door.  When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.  He said, 'I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it.  The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, 'Do any of the girls have any diseases?'  Of course the Madam said 'No'.  The boy said, 'I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber - THAT'S the girl I want.'  Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.  He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.  The Madam stopped him and asked, 'Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?'  He said, 'Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant to eat, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mum and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll give her one in the car and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitter's, he and Mum will go to bed and have sex, and Mum will catch it.  In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mum and catch the disease, and HE'S the prick who ran over my FROG!'

Radio Interview

I was recently interviewed by Radio City Talk 105.9 presenter Pete Price about my books, click to listen to the full interview.

My interview with Pete Price

REMEMBER THESE DAYS.

Can you believe it!!!

Some good ones here  Notes left in milk bottles For those of us who remember Milk deliveries in Bottles, here is a good example of a collection of notes left in milk bottles...   Dear milkman:

I've just had a baby, please leave another one.. Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk. Cancel one pint after the day after today. Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it. Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk. Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today. Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole. Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks. Sorry about yesterday's note.. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round. When you leave my milk please knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress. Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last night's Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea? My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle? Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me. Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant. Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it. From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk. My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we ant to play bingo tonight. Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday. milkman please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. P.S. Don't leave any milk. No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice. Good aren't they!

Why Men Shouldn't Babysit

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People --

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack...

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another petrol station loo because this one is
just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress £5000. Top hat & tails rental-£100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about Star Trek.

A five-day holiday requires only one small bag.

You can open all your own jars.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is £4.99 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look !

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife..

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.


___________________________________

Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other
Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Shorty and Lofty.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even
though it's only for £52.50. None of them will have anything smaller.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators...YES!!!

MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has five items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, razor,
soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man
would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret
fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing!

New Name For My Book

Just a quick 'heads up' about my book WISHFUL THINKING...... After an enormous 
wrangle with the publishers and a huge argument I have now took over the control 
of my book!!!!! I have changed the cover and title and I am now in control of 
the price AT LAST!!!!! Wishful Thinking is now titled 'THREE WISHES' and has a 
new and brighter cover! Oh, and is now priced correctly!!!! 
Three wishes is available NOW in kindle and paperback on Amazon. 
For anybody that's bought and read 'wishful thinking' I at first thank you and 
secondly ask that you are aware of the change. 
For anybody that wanted to but was put off(as I would have been) by the price I 
hope you will now look at THREE WISHES and especially the price. If you now 
choose to buy it I genuinely hope you enjoy it. 
Have fun, Phil.

Three Wishes - Official Book Trailer

Three wishes now available on Amazon in both paperback on kindle format. Have a watch of my book trailer, hope you enjoy.

A Christmas Poem

       CHRISTMAS EVE                                                    

On the night before Christmas

I said to my son

“Come on, up the stairs now

Or Santa won’t come”

“Have I been good enough?

Will he come? Will he Dad?”

“Of course he will mate

You’ve been an extra good lad”

I kissed him on his head

Tucked him cosy in his quilt

“Night night son,” I said

With my mind full of guilt

If I’d tried harder at school

I could have carved a career

Then had enough money

To fill his Christmas with cheer

But money was sparse

Like his gifts by the tree

I loved him so much

But love won’t fill him with glee

Just then all went silent

And snow it did fall

I watched through the window

It built up on the wall

As the snow tumbled down

The green lawn became white

A loud tap on the window

Gave me a fright

On the ledge stood a Robin

His breast full and red

He fluffed up his feathers

And shook snow off his head

Distant bells I heard jingle

And a voice full of cheer

“That’s the house Prancer

Set us down have no fear”

I heard reigns being stretched

Snorting beasts and a booming “WHOA!!!”

Then a CRASH a BANG and  THUD

My garden blew up with snow

The window was covered

I couldn’t see out

But I knew what had landed

There was simply no doubt

From behind me, a voice

“HO HO HO” it said

I turned, and I saw him

Dressed in black white and red

My eyes so wide open

My jaw hanging so low

St. Nick was before me

All dusted with snow

The man didn’t look at me

Just busied himself

Stacking parcels galore

With the help of an Elf

Then he walked to the door

Glanced back and said with a wink

“You deserve this young man

For the way that you think”

The door shut behind him

Then his voice boomed from outside

“DASHER!.. COMET!.. BLIXEN!

Let’s get on with this ride”

I heard animals snort

Hooves muffled in the snow

Then a scrape, a slide, then silence

Just a distant ‘HO HO HO’

I awoke with a jolt

The door slammed shut with a thud

Pyjama clad my son shouted

“DAD LOOK, I’VE BEEN GOOD!”

His eyes now wide open

His mouth beaming a smile

He ripped open the gifts

There was such a big pile

My son was so happy

A perfect Christmas day

I heard a tap on the window

And watched the Robin fly away

Philip Parry 2013

Who Put Him In Charge

A little video about one of my poems from my book 'View From My Mind' 

Who Put Him in Charge?

Is it a sin to wish you were rich?

Would it look bad in the eyes of the Lord?

Should you be happy to struggle to pay your bills?

Should you be happy with your battered old Ford?

It wouldn't be so bad if all men were equal

If we were all in the same boat

But we're not, so the poor do all the hard work

While the rich sit back and gloat

They come out of their big comfy homes

Drive their big cars, full of gadgets and clocks

They don't spare a thought for the man in the street

Who lives under a bridge, in a box

If we really are created by god

And he's all knowing and all powerful

Then I wish he'd get down from his pedestal

And stop dishing out so much bull!!!!!!!!!!

IF I WAS GOD,.... I'D BE FAIR........... TO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Singing Assassin

I.N.R.I - View From My Mind Trailer

'View From My Mind' my collection of poems is now available in paperback, I made this little trailer about one of my poems 'I.N.R.I' and also included the poem in this post, have a look at both and let me know what you think.

Where to buy 'View From My Mind'

I.N.R.I

Come on, you said you where coming back

But this is beyond a joke now mate

You where clever though, I’ll give you that

Not giving a specific date



Look at the state of the place, it’s bad

Every day is getting worse

It’s like the devil himself

Has unleashed an evil curse



If you’re stuck, I’ll pay for your taxi

Just get back here, and get here fast

We need you here to help us

Because without you we won’t last



So come on now, people are desperate

There’s a disease of growing fears

Jesus Christ, you’re taking the piss

Making us wait two thousand years.

Taxi Tales - Now Available in Paperback

'Taxi Tales' is available in paperback format. as well as writing books I've decided to give Steven Spielberg some competition, have a look at the trailer for my book 'Taxi Tales' and let if Spielberg has got anything to worry about.

You've now watched the trailer, e-mailed Spielberg and told him to watch his back because he's got some serious competition, all you have to do now is click on the link below, and buy the book. All the tales in the book are true, written by myself and Glenn Pye. So just click on the link, which will take you to Amazon .

Click here to buy 'Taxi Tales'

Done Deal- A view From My Mind Trailer

'View From My Mind' my collection of poems is now available in paperback, I made this little trailer about one of my poems 'Done Deal' and also included the poem in this post, have a look at both and let me know what you think.

Where to buy 'View From My Mind' 

Done deal

Thunder clapped

Clouds parted

Lightening crackled through

My eyes adjusted from the flash

And standing there was you

You grinned and looked me up and down

Then said, “It’s time to pay”

“No!” I said, “You can’t...

You can’t do this today!”

“I can…,” you said, “... we made a deal,

And you then achieved your goal.

I done everything you asked of me

And now I want your soul!”

Out of Africa - Some Great Funny Photos

Thanks for putting me in the picture

Must be election time

Nothing to say here, but men stay well clear

Been trying to find a review on Yelp

Sorry, WHAT?

If that sign doesn't bring customers in, nothing will

See Wimpy are branching out

Ok then, i'll go to the shop next door

Well at least they supply toilet paper

That's what you call an open top

Insurance companies are going to love this

I wonder if that's his sister

I've never seen these BBQ's in my local store

Make your mind up

Ok, Cheers for the advice;

View From My Mind - Paperback Version

My 'View From My Mind' poetry series is now available in paperback. Books one and two have been combined to make one book.

Click the link to take you straight to Amazon to buy the paperback version price at only £4.00, or if you want the book in Kindle format click on the link to buy it on Kindle, price at only £1.02. Amazon Kindle

Taxi Tales - Film Trailer

You've now seen the trailer, now read the book, click onto the link to read a free preview of 'Taxi Tales'

Now buy the book, available on Kindle and Nook Book Format.

Free preview of 'Taxi Tales'

Where to buy 'Taxi Tales' from

Today's Bad Idea

Just when you think a person can't get any dumber.....This will cleanse the gene pool a little.

I know, I know, I saw it right away too ....No safety glasses or hearing protection! And I caught something else that is really important, he has no gloves on. I might be up in age but I am still sharp as a tack -- don't you agree?

Lobotomy - My Film Trailer

Private Property... My Film Trailer