Why Men Shouldn't Babysit

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People --

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack...

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another petrol station loo because this one is
just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress £5000. Top hat & tails rental-£100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about Star Trek.

A five-day holiday requires only one small bag.

You can open all your own jars.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is £4.99 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look !

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife..

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.


___________________________________

Men Are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other
Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Shorty and Lofty.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even
though it's only for £52.50. None of them will have anything smaller.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators...YES!!!

MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has five items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, razor,
soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man
would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret
fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing!

New Name For My Book

Just a quick 'heads up' about my book WISHFUL THINKING...... After an enormous 
wrangle with the publishers and a huge argument I have now took over the control 
of my book!!!!! I have changed the cover and title and I am now in control of 
the price AT LAST!!!!! Wishful Thinking is now titled 'THREE WISHES' and has a 
new and brighter cover! Oh, and is now priced correctly!!!! 
Three wishes is available NOW in kindle and paperback on Amazon. 
For anybody that's bought and read 'wishful thinking' I at first thank you and 
secondly ask that you are aware of the change. 
For anybody that wanted to but was put off(as I would have been) by the price I 
hope you will now look at THREE WISHES and especially the price. If you now 
choose to buy it I genuinely hope you enjoy it. 
Have fun, Phil.

Three Wishes - Official Book Trailer

Three wishes now available on Amazon in both paperback on kindle format. Have a watch of my book trailer, hope you enjoy.

A Christmas Poem

       CHRISTMAS EVE                                                    

On the night before Christmas

I said to my son

“Come on, up the stairs now

Or Santa won’t come”

“Have I been good enough?

Will he come? Will he Dad?”

“Of course he will mate

You’ve been an extra good lad”

I kissed him on his head

Tucked him cosy in his quilt

“Night night son,” I said

With my mind full of guilt

If I’d tried harder at school

I could have carved a career

Then had enough money

To fill his Christmas with cheer

But money was sparse

Like his gifts by the tree

I loved him so much

But love won’t fill him with glee

Just then all went silent

And snow it did fall

I watched through the window

It built up on the wall

As the snow tumbled down

The green lawn became white

A loud tap on the window

Gave me a fright

On the ledge stood a Robin

His breast full and red

He fluffed up his feathers

And shook snow off his head

Distant bells I heard jingle

And a voice full of cheer

“That’s the house Prancer

Set us down have no fear”

I heard reigns being stretched

Snorting beasts and a booming “WHOA!!!”

Then a CRASH a BANG and  THUD

My garden blew up with snow

The window was covered

I couldn’t see out

But I knew what had landed

There was simply no doubt

From behind me, a voice

“HO HO HO” it said

I turned, and I saw him

Dressed in black white and red

My eyes so wide open

My jaw hanging so low

St. Nick was before me

All dusted with snow

The man didn’t look at me

Just busied himself

Stacking parcels galore

With the help of an Elf

Then he walked to the door

Glanced back and said with a wink

“You deserve this young man

For the way that you think”

The door shut behind him

Then his voice boomed from outside

“DASHER!.. COMET!.. BLIXEN!

Let’s get on with this ride”

I heard animals snort

Hooves muffled in the snow

Then a scrape, a slide, then silence

Just a distant ‘HO HO HO’

I awoke with a jolt

The door slammed shut with a thud

Pyjama clad my son shouted

“DAD LOOK, I’VE BEEN GOOD!”

His eyes now wide open

His mouth beaming a smile

He ripped open the gifts

There was such a big pile

My son was so happy

A perfect Christmas day

I heard a tap on the window

And watched the Robin fly away

Philip Parry 2013

Who Put Him In Charge

A little video about one of my poems from my book 'View From My Mind' 

Who Put Him in Charge?

Is it a sin to wish you were rich?

Would it look bad in the eyes of the Lord?

Should you be happy to struggle to pay your bills?

Should you be happy with your battered old Ford?

It wouldn't be so bad if all men were equal

If we were all in the same boat

But we're not, so the poor do all the hard work

While the rich sit back and gloat

They come out of their big comfy homes

Drive their big cars, full of gadgets and clocks

They don't spare a thought for the man in the street

Who lives under a bridge, in a box

If we really are created by god

And he's all knowing and all powerful

Then I wish he'd get down from his pedestal

And stop dishing out so much bull!!!!!!!!!!

IF I WAS GOD,.... I'D BE FAIR........... TO EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Singing Assassin