MY MUM:
1. My mum taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'
2. My mum taught me RELIGION .
'You better pray that this will come out of the carpet.'
3. My mum taught me about TIME TRAVEL
'If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!'
4. My mum taught me LOGIC .
' Because I said so, that's why.'
5. My mum taught me MORE LOGIC .
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going shopping with me.'
6. My mum taught me FORESIGHT.
'Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.'
7. My mum taught me IRONY.
'Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about.'
8. My mum taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
'Shut your mouth and eat your dinner.'
9. My mum taught me about CONTORTIONISM .
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'
10. My mum taught me about STAMINA
'You'll sit there until all that SOUP is gone.'
11. My mam taught me about WEATHER ..
'This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.'
12. My mum taught me about HYPOCRISY
'If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!'
13. My mum taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
'I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.'
14. My mum taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
'Stop acting like your father!'
15. My mum taught me about ENVY.
'There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do..'
16. My mum taught me about ANTICIPATION.
'Just wait until we get home.'
17. My mum taught me about RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'
18. My mum taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.'
19. My mum taught me ESP .
'Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?'
20. My mum taught me HUMOUR .
'When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me..'
21. My mum taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
'If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.'
22. My mum taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'
23. My mum taught me about my ROOTS.
'Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a tent?'
24. My mum taught me WISDOM.
'When you get to be my age, you'll understand.'
25. And my favourite:
My mum taught me about JUSTICE'One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you '
